woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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