I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
