i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
