My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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