Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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