There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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