you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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