I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You are the jesus of drinking
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm like, not good at living.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
