I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We have so much sex to catch up on
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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