ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I said "one day" and that day is not today
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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