So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
