a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
