Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
