I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
