guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
