I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
