I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
