You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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