She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
