So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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