the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
