go do what you do best...puke behind churches
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just want to make out with him forever
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
