I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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