if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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