K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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