put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
