She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
