So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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