It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
