just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
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Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
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Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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