best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
