East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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