My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
