why didn't you poke me back
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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