how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
