Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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