I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
