Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
