OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you inspire me to be a worse person
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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