I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize