he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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