a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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