she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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