This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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