carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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