you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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