So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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