Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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