I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
