She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
