I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
