Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I checked into jail on foursquare
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
