I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
