New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
