I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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