We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
