last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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