I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
