I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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