I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
