I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
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It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
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I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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