Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
