I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
