Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
