why didn't you poke me back
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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