Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
