just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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