I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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