You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
