I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
