That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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