the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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