It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
